In a classroom, the classic ways of “ensuring” focus may include sitting still, not doing anything other than listening and eye contact with the teacher. But with neurodivergent or differently wired kids, focus can look very different to what is often expected.
Asking differently wired kids to sit still, not doing anything else and maintaining eye contact with the teacher can actually be detrimental to their focus*, as well as possibly being uncomfortable or even painful for them. For these kids movement may be necessary to focus*, especially with anything that they find challenging, overwhelming… or boring. Having something else to do may be the only way they can stay in the space to listen to something…and ironically can be the only way they can sit still. Associating eye contact with focus is a nonsensical, ableist concept that we need to move past. We don’t use our eyes to listen – as I heard someone say recently, if we did, radios wouldn’t work! Eye contact doesn’t show that someone’s brain is engaged with what you’re saying. And for those differently wired kids for whom eye contact is challenging, maintaining a show of eye contact may well be so taxing that it is ALL the kiddo can think about, as well as being an unnecessary strain on them.
We changed from school to homeschooling with curricula, to unschooling, which minimises the amount the kids get lectured to, but still our kids need to listen and give their attention sometimes.
So what works for us:
Accessible movement.
We have a rebounder mini-trampoline inside, as well as a wobble board and a trapeze swing. When we did use curricula, our daughter would often do her Maths while swinging upside down: I would call out the question to her, she would shout the answer back, I would input it. Trampolining was one way for our son to cope with the strain of online classes and we just had the camera off so it wasn’t distracting for the teacher. We also recognize that often movement is needed, not a distraction. When our daughter was learning to read on a school schedule, and finding it hard, she would often be upside down on the back of the couch, wriggling around, while I held the book and pointed at the next word. Did it look like stereotypical reading time? No. Did it work? Yes. Taking learning outside automatically makes movement more accessible – that classic line of our kids can’t bounce off the walls if we remove the walls.
Some of this might not be feasible in a more traditional classroom or work setting, but a wobble board or fidget toy can achieve the same thing without such large movements. I often fidget with a hairband when on calls and sat down, or I pace and talk. There are always ways to make this work.
Multi-tasking
I almost always multi-task so this feels natural for me to see my kids doing, but to neurotypicals, it can look like a lack of focus or interest.
Lego, crafts, drawing or painting, eating or even playing computer games can make the difference between sitting and listening and not being able to stay in the space to listen. It’s how we listen to audiobooks, do read alouds, join in with online storytime and even some online classes. If taking part in a group activity, we flag it up that it will be happening ahead of time or use the mute and camera off functions of online calls.
For many differently wired kids, the alternative is not sitting and listening quietly but being unable to maintain focus in that class or being unable to remain within that space entirely. Needing to do something can be physically uncomfortable as well as psychologically, and trying to suppress this certainly isn’t conducive to focus.
Listening ears
As a parent of kids in nursery school and then an active school Governor at an English Primary School, I was certainly familiar with the “1, 2, 3, eyes on me” refrain. However, one thing my kids have taught me is that eyes off does not mean not listening and eyes on does not mean listening. We simply don’t listen with our eyes. With differently wired kiddos, eye contact or a semblance of it, certainly does not mean the kiddo is listening. They may be thinking about something else entirely, or focusing so hard to maintain that semblance of eye contact that they certainly aren’t able to take in what you’re saying.
So what I use when I need the kiddos to pay attention is the request of “Listening ears!” and then getting them to repeat the most important bit back to me. If I had a dollar for everytime I’ve done this and my kiddo has suddenly “switched on” to me and gone “actually, what did you say?”, well I could buy a lot of books, put it that way!
A wonderful therapist also worked with us on clear and direct instructions when instructions are being given. Instead of more waffly – and what our social construct might say is more polite – requests “hey buddy, could you please do X and Y?” a simpler “buddy, do X please” works so much better and makes it easier for the kid to identify the important bit – and repeat it back when asked.
