Our eldest did 2 1/2 years in an English Primary School before we started homeschooling. My husband and I both have a traditional education background from early years to university, and I’m a former School Governor (bit like an American School Board). A “schooled” mindset is a big part of our past! Deschooling has been one of the most challenging and interesting parts of switching to home education for all of us.
So what is deschooling?
Let’s start with some definitions…
Deschooling (Wikipedia) : a term invented by Ivan Illich, the shift from a traditional, government-influenced institution of schooling to a less-restricted method of learning that focuses on being educated by one’s natural curiosities.
Deschool (Dictionary.com) [dee-skool] verb (used with object) : to abolish or phase out traditional schools from, so as to replace them with alternative methods and forms of education.
My personal definition is more about our mindset, moving away from the mindset that a traditional, government-influenced institution of schooling, or traditional formal academic education with teacher and pupil(s), is necessary or the only or best way learning happens and an education is achieved.
Do I have to do deschooling?
You’ve decided your kid is not going to school. You only “have” to do whatever the laws of your country, state or region require. So, no, you don’t “have” to do deschooling. However! Whatever your family’s circumstances, if you are looking to (or already are) homeschooling/home educating the children in your care, then deschooling is likely to be a part of your journey.
Even if your kids have never been to a traditional school, if you, their parents/guardians have, then you likely have the influence of a “schooled” mentality affecting you. Even if you go from traditional school to school-at-home for your kids, where you are recreating the teacher-pupil relationship and how learning happens in a traditional school, just at home, then deschooling may well sneak up on you.
If you do not put it in some work on deschooling, then many of the wondrous aspects of educating our kids outside of a traditional school environment can be lost or you may find your “schooled” mindset is introducing stress into your home and family life. After more than 3 1/2 years of homeschooling, this is still something I can struggle with sometimes and am working on! Deschooling has been so important for all of us.
Is deschooling unschooling?
A period of deschooling can look a lot like unschooling, but they are different and it’s important to understand that…
- Deschooling is a process of change or a specified time period without adult directed education to encourage the process of deschooling.
- Unschooling is also known as self directed education, and is an educational, and often a broader lifestyle choice, that puts the child in charge of directing their own education. It can involve adults facilitating this learning and even teacher-led classes or particular curriculum, but as chosen by the child, without coercion.
Working on deschooling is a good idea even for those parents and families that are determined to not fully unschool in the long term. Though, spoiler! part of the ongoing deschooling is that you may well revisit that choice later!
How do we deschool?
A pretty standard recommendation that gets passed around in home ed groups, for kids transitioning from school to home education, is that the recommendation for your kids is to deschool for as many months as they have had years in traditional school. So if they are grade 2 in the USA or year 2 in the UK and have done kindergarten/reception, grade/year 1 and most of grade/year 2 in a traditional school, then 3 months of deschooling is recommended.
It’s important to note here that this is just the first, and simplest to describe, part of deschooling. Kids that have been in school, especially if they have been in school for a long time or struggled with wanting to meet the expectations of school, may well need more time and help to deschool. And deschooling the adults in the house is a lot more complicated! This specific period is to kickstart your deschooling.
So if your kid has done 3 years of traditional school, then when you start homeschooling, planning for at least 3 months of deschooling, is a good first step. Don’t include the usual school holidays as that is just holiday/vacation time! Not doing school then is no different to normal. The whole point of deschooling is to shake up what feels normal!
What does this mean? Start by throwing out all your ideas of what school-style learning looks like. No enforced curriculum, no making a child sit at a desk (if they want to sit and write or draw, by all means let them!), no daily schedules (9.00am reading, 10am Maths, etc), no adults deciding what the child will learn and how success at this will be measured. No, you really don’t need to have a curriculum for day 1 of homeschooling! Unschooling is a legitimate form of home education in all USA states and the UK.
This doesn’t mean you give up on parenting, leave your child in front of the device of their choice and proceed to ignore them.
It also doesn’t mean you don’t have any kind of schedule or rhythm, or need to organise anything.
If you look at it as your time to explore what learning at home, and in your community, can look like without curriculum or a “teacher”, and to support your child to rediscover or expand their love of learning, and for you to start thinking about how your child likes to learn, you’ll be okay.
Field trips, nature walks, play dates with other homeschoolers, library visits, even trying out specific classes your kid wants to do or is already doing, in a non-coercive manner, can all be a part of it. Having a weekly rhythm can also be a part of it (for example: Monday is park day with friends, Tuesday we do a field trip, Wednesday is baking day, Thursday we hike, Friday we make pizza and have a board game or movie).
I am however writing this as the Covid pandemic continues to rage across the US and many of our community resources are not open as normal or do not yet feel safe to us. Thankfully, the woods, lakes and wild spaces are open! And we can meet select people outside. But if you’re deschooling in these unusual times, please know this is not what homeschooling is usually like! Hopefully you can make the best of what is available in your area and perhaps plan to revisit this when life is more “normal”.
With both unschooling and deschooling, there is no coerced learning, but unschooling expert John Holt discusses this always being within what the parents are comfortable with. For some this means deschooling, “but with math”, and coming back to more deschooling later. For others, it just means having limits around sleeping, eating and basic chores/hygiene being dealt with. The best thing about homeschooling is that if you are all not comfortable with something, you don’t have to do it.
Deschooling can also take a lot longer than the suggested number of months, especially if a child has had negative experiences in school. Some children leave school “hating writing” for example, and can take 2 years or more before they might realise that they don’t hate writing, but how writing was taught, structured and enforced in school. If your child is pushing back against any and all learning experiences, then they (and/or you) still have deschooling to do.
NOTE for those in England! The UK Government Elective Home Education (EHE) guidance, which applies to those in England and was updated in April 2019, specifically highlights parents/guardians saying they are deschooling as being a red flag for possible educational neglect (section 6.2 in Elective home education: guidance for local authorities). If you are in England, it may therefore be sensible to avoid using the specific term “deschooling” in any communications with the Local Authority (LA). The guidance also specifically states that formal lessons are not required for EHE, so it would be within the guidance, without raising any red flags, to inform the LA that you are “starting with 3 months of self directed education, life learning and field trips whilst your child’s optimal learning style is clarified”.
“But won’t they get behind?”
No, they won’t “get behind” in this time. Even if your plan is to “keep them up to” age-related standards, they will learn faster once they have adjusted to learning outside of a school-like environment, and you will all work together better once you have more trust that learning can happen without schooling.
After all, all children learning the same things at the same time, regardless of where they are developmentally or what they are interested in or will use, is the very basis of “school” and is both an unnatural expectation of children and potentially detrimental to their potential.
“But what if they want to play video games all day long?”
However, deschooling works out for you, it will involve a lot more downtime than many school kids are accustomed to. It’s totally normal that they will lean into that, especially at first.
If they want to play video games, I’d suggest thinking about why. Are they using video games (or TV) to escape external stressors or to help them regulate? Is this something they need support with, or not? If you’re concerned your kid might be depressed or struggling with anxiety, seek professional advice. Or are they genuinely interested in and enjoying the games (or TV shows) for the games themselves? Sit with them, watch, ask questions about what is happening and what they are doing. You may be pleasantly surprised at how much they are learning or practising, working on their resilience, persistence and problem solving. In any case, the amount of time gaming may well regulate as times goes on anyway – and if you’re not at home with no plans everyday, then they simply don’t have the time to spend all day, every day gaming.
Playing video games a lot isn’t the negative thing many of us have been conditioned to believe. That can be a hard adjustment for some – I know for sure my attitudes have changed a lot in 3 years. There’s a whole blog post brewing in my mind just on this subject alone.
But as discussed above, deschooling doesn’t mean no plans are made. Go to the beach, go for a picnic, meet old or new friends, even make the offer to do a fun activity at home, and you may well find they aren’t so keen on playing video games all day long.
“I have a teen. They will be deschooling for a year or more!”
If your teen is leaving school, then them becoming a self-directed learner is probably a good thing anyway. What works for some families is deciding up front to have a shorter certain time period (e.g. 6 months) to only work on deschooling, and then making a plan with their teen for what the teen wants to do, but proceeding in a self-directed education fashion. With self-directed education, aka unschooling, we are constantly deschooling further.
In all honesty, I don’t yet have a teen and I’m not an expert, so the best thing I can do is suggest you read some of the books written by Blake Boles, who is an expert in self-directed teens – https://www.blakeboles.com/writing/ – check out the resources from homeschooling parents with self-directed teens, such as Honey I’m Homeschooling the Kids, and connect with local families with self-directed teens.
What about the adults?
Open your mind to other possibilities. Learn from those who have been before you and those who are experts. Listen, read. And watch your child. If it’s anything like my own experience, then your child will show you how they learn and how MUCH they can learn, as well as how well they can thrive, without school.
Deschooling is so much about learning to trust. To trust your child. To trust that learning is innate in life. To trust that without a traditional formal academic education with teacher and pupil(s), learning still happens and can actually be better.
Find out more in Deschooling Resources (coming soon).
