“Imagine, if you will, what your life would be like if fear, worry, or guilt were no longer part of your day-to-day parenting experience. If you could talk openly about your kid’s wiring without concern that they’d be ostracized or perceived as “less than”. Imagine sending your child to any school or camp or club knowing they would be treated with respect and understanding instead of being punished for who they are. Imagine feeling secure in the knowledge that you could handle whatever comes down the road because you have the confidence in yourself as a parent and the awareness that you’re not alone.
Not only do I believe everything would change, but I believe this vision is possible, And I believe it has to start with us.
It starts when parents of atypical kids – parents like you and me – commit to staying open, paying attention, and questioning our preconceived notions. Because when we do that, we create the possibility for transformation and deeper connection. We all have what it takes to become fluent in our children’s unique language. When we are willing to work on ourselves, on our relationships, and in our communities, our children can be seen and celebrated for who they truly are.
So my question to you is, Are you in?”
Deborah Reber, ‘Differently Wired’
Differently Wired by Deborah Reber is a book for parents of neurodivergent kids of any kind. She uses the term “differently wired” to encompass all neurodivergences, whether it’s ADHD, being autistic, anxiety, gifted children, dyslexia, etc, etc. Deborah is a mother of a 2e (twice exceptional) kiddo, the voice of the Tilt Parenting podcast and the founder of the Tilt Parenting community.
“Questioning everything requires bravery, because we’re essentially admitting that something in our lives isn’t working and accepting that change is necessary. Even when things may not be going well to begin with, shaking things up can be a scary prospect.”
Deborah Reber, ‘Differently Wired’
The book is written in an engaging way, that is easy to read, and both comforting, whilst making me think, reflect and learn. I read it over 2 days and ended up with a bunch of post-its to ideas and resources I wanted to come back to. Some books for parents of differently wired kids I find either overwhelming, or underwhelming in their helpfulness. This struck a nice balance for me, and I liked the approach of going for the similarities of parenting differently wired kiddos, rather than focusing on one specific neurodivergence. It’s so common for differently wired kiddos to end up with a kind of alphabet soup of diagnoses, so if I’m reading something about ADHD, I might be thinking “but what about the anxiety?”, whereas this covers 18 strategies or “Tilts” we can all use, regardless of the specific neurodivergence of our kiddos.
My only criticisms of this book are that…
- The discussions of the school systems and healthcare systems are all about the US. Which I found strange from an American author living in Europe with an international online community. It would have been so easy to extend this information and conclusions internationally.
- The word “tribe” is used a couple of times in the first part of the book, as in “finding your tribe”. As an immigrant living on the stolen lands of the Salish people, I am very aware that Native Americans repeatedly ask that we not appropriate this term. Later in the book, the more respectful terms of “village” and “people” are used which I much prefer to see.
- Deborah discusses in places some of her struggles with homeschooling her 2e kiddo in the early days, without so much of a mention that this is totally normal for parents of kids that have transitioned from school to home education. Similarly, she talks about struggling with her own preconceived notions around learning, without mentioning this is a normal part of deschooling. Perhaps it wouldn’t bother others, but it left me feeling that it might be off-putting to parents who are considering trying homeschooling, or are struggling in the early days of homeschooling. It’s totally normal and it doesn’t stay that way, okay?
All in all, it’s a book I can see myself referring back to and recommending on widely.
